Dan Sebenarnya

Bismillah ar-Rahman ar-Raheem
Assalammualaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu

Insya Allah, in another few weeks, I will be back in school - to teach as a real teacher.

I remembered during our days of practicum, my beloved sisters cum colleagues were excited to spread the message and example of islam to the other teachers & the students. Well, lets just say that Allah ordained us to learn more than what we have bargained and we realized that in reality, spreading islam is not merely through talking and preaching per se. There's more to islam than that and I realized that we learned it the hard way. Alhamdulillah wa syukrillah.

It was different from what we had gone through before.

When we were in the UK, everything came to us like thirst quenching rainfalls where the spirit of islam, the knowledge of the hereafter, the brother/sisterhood of love and compassion, the energy and also the tinkle of opportunities to learn more about islam swept away our jahili ways and scrubbed clean our soul. Though it was hard and challenging to change, we made it. We actually made changes that we had never imagined and were a far cry from our innocent and worldly aims. Subhanallah, those were the days.

Alhamdulillah for the nikmat of islam and iman

But when we came back to Malaysia, masha Allah, the reality of what Malaysia had become (or had always been - wallahua'lam) hit us on the face like a smack of icy cold water. Everything changed. At first, we tried our very best to keep up all our methods of sustaining our iman and some of the most potent thing that worked (alhamdulillah) were constant reminders through our halaqahs (meetings) and making sure that we followed the sunnah (works better after learning and knowing its virtues). However, the wave of enticing worldly comforts were so great that it really hit hard on some of us (actually, most of us) and have its profound effect on the others as well. This is exactly like the sayings of the prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) on the essence of brother/sisterhood in islam - like a body and if one part is hurt, the other body parts will feel the pain through fever and discomforted sleep. In the will of Allah, all of us faced this harsh brutality of tribulation of sisterhood and iman with great pain and utter discomfort. Thus were the beginning of a great time of tribulation for us, we began to trade some of our precious time for worldly love and materials that the prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) had put as an analogy as a useless carcass.

How dangerous were one sin that leads to another.

But, alhamdulillah we still keep up with our halaqah(s) though sometimes it became clear that we concealed lots of secrets and sins of our own sisters within the halaqah as if sweeping all those sins under the rug were the best thing to do. Gone were the days of honest reminders. Well, it was not the best thing to do and when we managed to at least be honest to each other (not on sins as there is a hadeeth on concealing one's own sins as Allah had concealed it for him/her) by being open more on what we need from each other to remember Allah, the damage was done. Astaghfirullah.

Zipping our mouth, covering our ears and blinding our hearts towards 'a part of us' that did sins and even our own selves that were becoming heedless towards Allah were the worst thing that we had done and Allah punished us soundly for that.

Let us be true muslims again

Hence, after all the months of thinking and reflecting, I feel that the best manner to approach everything now is through mending ourselves. Yes, true were all the words of our Creator and also our model teacher (peace and blessings be upon him) that everything starts and ends with us. We have to make ourselves as better muslims so that Allah perfects everything around us. Alhamdulillah Allah provided me (and us) the sustenance to learn from our mistakes and corrects it while we can.

Before I end this lament of mine, there is another thing I wanted to write.

I missed my sisters in iman. I will never lie about that (though I am married already) and I really miss them. I missed the honesty from the ex-house 32 residents, the tender loving care and sacrificefrom my ex-house 15 housemate, the constant reminders by our ex-house 19 residents and the thirst for knowledge from ex-house 20's resident. I missed the last-minute preparation to go to 'camps' and also feeling of having to save money for it. I missed the madrasah ramadhan where we had a marathon of tadarus Quran that enables us to understand that the Quran is meant for us to try our very best to follow wholly and not merely following some verses and leaving other verses for 'next time' or 'when the time comes'. I missed those days a lot.

Insyirah & Mujahidah Solehah (embedded)

But, as time passed, I will try to re-live those days with what I have today and may Allah provide me with the sustenance and the strength to do so. Insya Allah.

May Allah forgive us, cleanse us from sins and guide our hearts and body on the straight path that were once trodden by the prophets and the messengers (peace be upon them) also the tabi'in. Allahumma ameen.

Wallahua'lam
All praise be to Allah, Lord of the world